Monday, 23 January 2012

The Year of No BULLSHIT

I think its safe to say, whenever you experience a break up, you learn from it, at least women do.

You extract from the it causation and consequence: the chain of events that led you to, hit, hate, kill, cheat on or get bored of your ex partner in order to better yourself, your future actions and choices. 

This attempt is made by all of us as of a means of achieving 1 of 2 things:

1.    To romantically skim over the stagnant learning plateau that comes hand in hand with a long-term relationship, with the aim of constructing love, happiness and respect for yourself and the next person you fall in love with...aka find the one.

2.    To swerve the bullshit.

I’m sure you can guess by now which of the 2 options is held highest in my esteem.

I genuinely believe I am impervious to the kryptonite that is bullshit. 
Ruthless and as a result, I live every day with the belief that 97.5% of people have an air of c*nt about their person: aiming low in my estimations to avoid disappointment.

I find myself completely unaffected, sporting an endearing smile on my face whenever anybody decides to generously ladle on bullshit like a bowl of Grandma’s infamous scotch broth.

I’m not a needy girl by any stretch of the imagination however, I have no time for nonsense or bullshit: 2 things this city appears to have all the time in the world for.  

Here is a list of some of the things I would toss into room 101 in a heartbeat and the major causes of the overly used gesture of ‘rolling my eyes.’

1.    People who wait a ‘cool’ couple of hours before answering a text for the sake of eliminating keenness and appearing nonchalant, despite the fact the my messages are completely absent of needy ‘chit chat’ and I merely want to know if I left my eye liner on your sink.

2.    People who apply sincerity, severe subtraction and a dash of sensitivity to the amount of people they claim have slept with, believing that I will give a shit if I know the truth and contemplating that I might actually believe them.

3.    Flakiness accompanied with poor excuses. Just tell me ‘You can’t be bothered’, ‘You’re hungover’, ‘You’re knee deep in clunge after a furious bunga bunga party with Dennis Rodman’…I do not care. It’s not like I’m going to go home and self-harm if you can’t take me to Winter Wonderland for fun, frolicking and frostbite.

4.    People who feel the need to let you know they aren’t after a relationship after 5 text messages and the drunken sharing of a lukewarm doner kebab. DO NOT FLATTER YOURSELF…contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t gunning for a joint bank account and matching number plates when I was poaching your jalapenos mate…CHILL OUT.

Control- the power to go against that curse that is hormones/the vagina and no longer be swayed/bothered by testosterone fuelled mouth diarrhea.

To no longer believe ‘he would never do that to me’…’he’s not like the rest of them’…Apologies love but the odds are against you; its highly probable he is.

The sooner you wise up, the sooner, you will be able to not give a shit and not giving a shit is a beautiful thing, it means you are fine depending on you and only you.

It also means there would be a lot fewer days spent in the shithouse/on the sofa by the men of London as we would no longer hold the poor bastards on such high and wobbly pedestals.

I adore men, don’t get me wrong, I have not undergone a metamorphosis into the projection of bitter, dick hating feminism, I merely no longer have a pulse when it comes to bullshit.

No need to cut people off, erupt in anger or floods tears. If you simply don’t care, faults are noted but no drama emerges from the matter.
And if you don’t care, egos are left to shrivel up like the sun-dried tomatoes in a vegetarian special baguette from Pret A Manger.

Be warned people, faking it doesn’t work. That’s just bottling bullshit up and a bullshit overload is extremely bad for the immune system and breath.

Maybe you have to had gone through a break up to no longer care about the opposite sex in a way that gives you that bubbly feeling in your nether regions, I don’t know…

But not giving a shit is awwwwwwww…some.

No comments:

Post a Comment